Mirror work: talking to yourself face to face, two minutes a day

Mirror work means standing in front of a mirror, looking yourself in the eye, and talking to yourself. Out loud. Simple, kind sentences, the ones we never say to ourselves. It sounds like nothing, and it’s probably the most uncomfortable practice of all the ones described on this site. It’s also one of those that shift the most, fast.

Where it comes from

The method is associated with Louise Hay, an American author who developed it in the 1980s and made it the heart of her work until her death in 2017. Her book Mirror Work, published in 2016, offers a 21-day programme. Hay mixed in some questionable ideas (she linked illnesses to thoughts, which nothing supports), but the mirror exercise itself is simple, with nothing magical about it, and it’s used today well beyond her circle, including by therapists working on self-esteem.

Hay’s principle fits in one sentence: most of us talk to ourselves all day long with a harshness we’d never use with anyone else. The mirror is there to hear what we say to ourselves, and to start saying something else.

How it’s done

A mirror, any mirror. The bathroom one works perfectly well. You stand in front of it, you look at your eyes (not your skin, not your hair, your eyes), and you say a sentence out loud. You repeat it two or three times. You hold your gaze. That’s it.

Two minutes a day is enough. Really. In the morning while brushing your teeth, or at night before bed. Any longer, at the start, is too much.

What to say

Louise Hay started with “I love you”, calling herself by her first name. For many, that’s too much, too soon. Here’s a progression that works better.

1. The first week, something neutral and true. “Hello, Sarah.” “I see you.” “I’m here.” Just holding your gaze while saying your name.
2. The second week, something kind that you can accept. “You’re doing your best.” “I’m on your side.” “You’re allowed to be tired.”
3. Then, what you need. “I trust you.” “You can do this.” “I’m proud of you.” And if one day “I love you” comes out naturally, all the better. If it doesn’t, that’s fine.

The mirror also works for what you want. Say your vision out loud, looking at yourself. “I live in a flat of my own.” “I’m changing jobs this year.” It’s different from writing it: out loud, face to face with yourself, a false sentence sounds false immediately. The mirror is an excellent detector of sentences you don’t believe. That goes for all affirmations, not just the mirror ones.

The awkwardness of the first days

It’s there, it’s strong, and it’s normal. The first time, most people laugh, look away, or feel ridiculous. Some cry without knowing why. It isn’t a sign you’re doing it wrong. It’s a sign you’re doing something you’ve never done: looking at yourself as a person being spoken to, rather than a face to be corrected.

A few things to know to get through this phase.

• The awkwardness genuinely eases around day four or five. Hold on until then before judging.
• If holding your gaze is too hard, look at one eye only. It’s an old trick, and it works.
• Do it alone, door closed. Nobody needs to be there, especially at the start.
• If it comes out as a whisper, that’s fine. The voice comes later.

And if you notice that your first reflex in front of the mirror is a criticism, about your skin, your dark circles, your face, note it. Don’t fight it, note it. That’s exactly what Hay wanted to make visible: the tone you use with yourself, every day, without realising.

What it really does

Nothing supernatural. Three concrete things.

You hear your inner voice. In front of the mirror, the criticism becomes audible. Once it’s audible, it’s debatable. You can’t change a script you can’t hear.

You train another voice. Two minutes a day of kind sentences seems trivial against years of the opposite. But it’s a rehearsal, like in sport. After a few weeks, it can happen that in the middle of the day, after a mistake, the mirror sentence arrives before the criticism. That’s where it changes.

You become presentable to yourself. It sounds strange, but a lot of people avoid their own gaze. Being able to look at yourself for two minutes without flinching is a foundation. On that foundation, you hold a goal better, you dare more, you forgive yourself faster when things go wrong. If you’re prone to anxiety, we talk about it in manifestation and anxiety.

You can’t change a voice you can’t hear. The mirror is there, first of all, to hear it.

Mistakes to avoid

Starting with sentences you don’t believe at all. “I am magnificent”, if you don’t think so, creates a resistance that works against the exercise. Always choose something you can accept eighty per cent of the way.

Going on too long. Ten minutes in front of a mirror on day one is endurance, not practice. Two minutes, every day, is what lasts.

Skipping the days when things aren’t going well. Those are the ones that count. On the day you’ve messed something up, saying “you’re doing your best” while looking at yourself is hard, and that’s precisely where the practice helps.

To start tonight

Bathroom, door closed. Look at your eyes. Say your name. Say “I see you”. Hold it for ten seconds. Tomorrow, the same. That’s enough to begin.

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